Well, the home inspection yesterday at mom's house was pretty interesting….I
don’t want to say we had Chicken Little do the inspection, but I tell you
what….this home inspector made the current crop of Republican presidential candidates look like Norman
Vincent Peale in comparison.
And as he walked around the house throwing these little
words of wisdom out….mom just got paler and paler. [This was not really the
objective of the house inspection.]
“The dryer vent doesn’t vent outside….just goes to the
basement. The vapors from that…they’ll
go straight to your attic - it’s the coldest place in the house, y’know. Next thing you know – you got mold and mildew
all over the place.” [It looks like a
long day, mom, maybe you ought to pass those tranquilizers around.]
“These coils you’re trying to throw away…these go to your electric
garage door opener, they’re the backup lines in case the primaries break. These things keep
the door from killing you if the primary snaps.” [Alrighty
then….I guess we won’t throw these life-saving wires away, now will
we? Come to find out, though, these were
actually the coils from the LAST garage door that dad thought he better keep, just in case.]
“The electricity? – not grounded to anything. A bolt of lightning comes – knocks your whole
house out.” [ummmm, okay….the odds of lightning-bolt
damage between now and sale date is probably not my chief concern….but now mom
can’t sleep for worrying about her lightning-bolt fate. Great. What are we going to cover next – unicorn
damage??]
“Look at these steps to the basement, you rock real hard
side to side like this – look at those steps move!” [Well quit doing that
jackass!]
"This tube from your water conditioner….overlaps the
sewer routing. That’s right. That sewer backs up and goes the wrong way?….well,
game over then.” [small vomiting sounds]
And the hole in the ceiling in the spare bedroom that pretty
much screams “raccoon damage”? Not a
word.
After Mr. Sunshine came to visit, I’m less worried about
selling the house and more worried about just surviving our visit.
