Invisible Fence

There are some tasks that you KNOW are going to be worth a blog post…or ten. Installing Molly’s invisible fence is just such an example. I mean seriously…Maeve + Rita’s house + electroshock = Tina Fey territory.

See, Molly is from the “real America” of Tennessee, where you engage in unprovoked attacks on dogs who aren’t even in your yard you never shy away from a fight. Which proves rather disconcerting to our elderly neighbors out walking their shitzhu. So Molly needs a little HELP in…ummmm…”making sure that 4068 Hilldale does NOT become known for its redneck dog and its redneck owner” – just sayin’. [Well, at least it can help with the dog part of that issue].

Once I opened the box for my new wireless invisible fence, I realized the transponder for this thing is the size of a beach ball. I can stream the content of the world wide web on a phone the size of a credit card, but delivering a simple electro-shock requires an addition to the house? I don’t want to lobomotize the dog – just keep her in the yard. (Guantanamo indeed).

The first task in this fool’s folly is determining the settings for the appropriate “boundary line” in the yard. I thought this would be a breeze…measure the distance from the Chevy-sized transponder to the edge of the yard (the radius, if you will), set the appropriate distance knobbie and call it a day.

Let me just say…my ability to map a perfect circle was apparently lost in 9th grade. Who knew this effort was going to require a brush-up on geometry?? I have been waiting 18 years to use that damn hypotenuse theorem and today is the day??? “Radii of given circles are congruent” my ass. I just needed a 14 foot compass for this task and I’d be all set.

Which means I had to resort to the old fashioned method of using the beeping shock collar to identify the “boundary line”….

Which should make for an interesting post tomorrow.