Who Put the Slum in Slumlord?

Part of the California move included the rental of my house in Nashville. Now…I have a picture of an ideal renter and it involves two gay boys who love to decorate and clean. However, I ended up with three just-out-of-college single guys. Fabulous.

Now that we are a total of six weeks into it…my upstairs renter has already decided she’s moving out and the next-door neighbor complained about the number of cars. Which means that Slumlord Maeve was at the house in Nashville bright and early on Monday morning to do a walkthrough of the place and check it out. Here are just a couple of observations about my new renters:

• The décor seems to be early dorm-room. Wait a second…they stole that look from ME.
• Ummm, SOMEONE forgot to remove the pot poster from the fridge – a picture of a pot leaf with the inspirational adage “it just makes you answer to ‘hey stupid’ 15 seconds slower”. Excellent.
• They are excited that one of their buddies may move into the apartment upstairs. Oh great – why don’t we just hang the Sigma Tau banner out of the window and get it over with?
• “Stevie said to go ahead and wake him up to do the walkthrough in the basement.” Are you freakin’ kidding me??
• I sure am glad I spent the extra money to get the silent-operation, nine-cycle dishwasher. I bet it works GREAT on the bong.
• They have asked me three times if I can fix the windows so they open. Who wants to get “fresh air” when its twelve degrees outside? Ummm, pot smoking frat boys, that’s who.
• If it wasn’t true before…it sure as hell is now – I am never standing in that shower again.