Flight of Fancy

“Black Friday” was the day Rita discovered she had lost her status with United Airlines. Which means Rita was unable to upgrade to Business Class at the time we booked the tickets for the decades-long flight to Hong Kong. We’ve been scheming on United points every since…but that’s a different blog. When we were checking in, however, one of us thought she had received a mercy-upgrade at the last minute, while the other one remained in coach. [I guess that would make me Leonardo DiCaprio to her Kate Winslet? Where can I find steerage?]. I told her I was fine as long as rolled a Miller Lite down the aisle every once in a while.

Unfortunately, Rita’s upgrade notification was all a big Business Class tease (!) and we both ended up back in coach. [And I do so hate to see Rita cry.] She got an upgraded seat compared to mine, however, in that she had an operational console. Specifically, she…and Every. Other. Passenger on the plane…had an overhead light and TV sound to use in the completely blacked-out cabin…while I had a bum console and 13 hours of silent darkness. My rucksack of entertainment does me no good if I Have. No. #%@$&. Light. I read by the glow of my laptop until the battery went dead [only 10 more hours to go.] If I had been in a window seat, I would have thrown open the shade and burned the retinas of all the lucky people with their working consoles.

Thankfully, my re-coached girlfriend let me reach across the aisle and plug into her console to watch the movie. Which was all good and well until our stretched-out cord clotheslined half the staff. Honest to god, you would have thought word would have spread amongst the hundred flight attendants about the booby trap in row 19…Instead, it was like a bad episode of the A-Team…with one perky waitress after another hurtling down the aisle until forward progress was violently halted at row 19 [“But since you’re here…can I get another Miller Lite?”]. Of course, those were my ears that the cord was connected to when Suzie the Flight Attendant did her sudden faceplant, so I didn’t come out so great in the deal either.

But Hong Kong was worth the trip...more on that later.