Rita has decided to go ahead and get her much needed ankle surgery
done. Part of me thinks she’s doing it
just for my blog material. But I think
she decided she can’t travel anywhere due to Covid and you can’t be outside in
Nashville in July so why not just double down on the suckiness and at least be
able to walk properly when this is all over.
She is likely to be unable to put
weight on her ankle for the next 4-6 weeks, so we decided we better get her
some help in getting around the house. We ultimately decided on the
“KneeRover”, but not before considering some alternate rides:
The KneeRover definitely feels
safer.
KneeRovers appear to be fairly essential
as the new ride arrived within a day of being ordered. Good thing we got it early, however, as some
assembly required. This is where
Rita and I got to practice how we are going to handle adversity collaboration
during Rita’s recovery. I don’t want to
say more practice is required, but methinks it’s a good thing KneeRover doesn’t
include divorce papers along with their assembly instructions. I do question the
wisdom of assembling your own medical device when you’ve already demonstrated
an inability to avoid injury in the first place. Besides, Amazon can ship me allergy
meds in a box the size of a toaster oven – you would think KneeRover could send
a SLIGHTLY larger box with an already assembled scooter in it.
In a sign of things to come over the next few weeks, Rita asked me to put it together. As if
she’s never met me. But I guess it’s
been a decade since I last tried anything handy and Rita’s curious if I’m still
as useless as ever. Check! But tell me where to point my credit card, by
golly, and I am aces.
After about 45 minutes of screwing
and unscrewing the same f’in bolt which wouldn’t go flush, I told Rita it would
be easier if I just carried her everywhere.
Since that didn’t inspire a ton of confidence, Rita decided she better
take over. Apparently, there are video
instructions that demonstrate what it looks like when the axle is attached
upside down. Looks familiar.
Seriously KneeRover, would it have
killed you to put an f’in arrow on the axle?
I mean….for chrissakes…a little help here. Afterall….a plastic bag includes a warning
that it is not a child’s toy. Clearly,
you can never be too explicit for the U.S. population. I am volunteering to help you with some much
needed lowest-common-denominator instruction targeting.
Once assembled, the KneeRover
turned out to be a little….disappointing.
First, a bottle of champagne won’t
even fit in the ice bucket on the front.
Second, the turning radius on this thing is handy if you are
recuperating in a high school gym. And
finally, despite specifically ordering the “off road” version of said
KneeRover, we discovered it’s pretty useless in our house-o-stairs where 40% of
the terrain, and EVERY POSSIBLE path to the bathroom, includes a set of
steps. Which means Rita and I are
practicing a new move we expect to use over the coming weeks….the nifty little
KneeRover-to-crutches double lutz transfer.
But that is a post for another day.
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