My official report

Just to prove that the neo-cons were not finished with their Katrina-fication of the U.S. government…they nominate Sarah Palin for Vice President. Now I know that much of this blog the coverage has been a little vitriolic about Sarah Palin… but I have GOT to throw my two cents in vis a vis Troopergate. In case you missed it, the Alaska legislature released a report two Friday’s ago indicating that Sarah Palin had abused power in seeking the dismissal of her state-trooper ex-brother-in-law. But the best part of the WHOLE thing was that on the eve of the real report’s release, Governor Palin’s campaign released their OWN “official” report …clearing Governor Palin of all wrong-doing.

I absolutely LOVE it. This preemptive self-adjudication got me thinking about a whole RANGE of applications:

• Shortly before Rita arrived home from her three day business trip…I released my own official report exonerating Molly of all rug-compromising transgressions – finding that she has acted solely with integrity, restraint and puppy-like fervor.
• The pseudo-report clearly indicated that the “real” report was just one big ol’ shout-out to the Palin clan. No worries.
• A faux-report of complete exoneration – and you say this person isn’t qualified to succeed Dick Cheney!
• The faux-report went on to include an anticipatory exoneration of Vice President Palin’s entire first term.
• The faux report also took the opportunity to clarify remarks made to Katie Couric…i.e., Kramer vs. Kramer NOT being the Supreme Court’s worst decision. Bad? Yes. But not the worst.
• The CEOs of AIG, Fannie Mae and Lehman Brothers did not know that self-reporting was an available option. They would like to trade their recently received subpoena’s for a very legal-looking, Kinko’s-bound report entitled “If Everyone Else Jumped Off A Credit-Defaulted Bridge….(The View From Under the Bridge)” Their report explained their inability to mitigate obvious risks, while bringing extraordinary severance-justifying value to the organization.