Climate Control

I like to say that it is 75 degrees and sunny every day in San Diego. But really, 75 degrees is just the median temperature. The outer region of that bell curve kicks off at 58 degrees with my morning latte and closes out at 93 degrees with my afternoon latte. (I don’t remember anything about “Santa Ana’s” in the San Diego promotional materials.) And ummm…WHERE is the thermostat again?? Oh, that’s right. You don’t NEED central heat and air in San Diego. (Need being a relative term.)

Which makes for an interesting climate in my office. I spend the entire first part of the day hovered over a clandestine space heater trying to thaw out my typing muscles (it’s hard to email with those mitten warmers in your palm). Then about 2 p.m., the sun peeks over the roof of the house and the temperature in my office skyrockets about 23 degrees. Honest to god…the 2 p.m. transition is like a Discovery Channel show with quick-speed global warming…ice cubes are melting, the dog is sweating. I’m pretty sure the last polar bear just went belly up during my afternoon conference call.

Trying to keep a steady-state temp in my office requires a whole intricate minuet – raise the shades at exactly 9 a.m., windows open 10:30, all closed at 1:45…. I am actually working on an excel spreadsheet to track the appropriate cutover time from the space heater to the oscillating fan. Mis-time one maneuver and you spend the afternoon working in the fourth ring of dante’s inferno.

I actually felt bad about operating the space heater/fan combo around my roommate Al Gore when she told me the September electric bill was “the highest it had ever been”. Well….until CONTEXT hit me in the face. Ninety eight dollars is the highest electric bill you’ve ever had?!? Where do you live…the 1950s? That’s one day’s electric bill in Evansville IN (inheritance schmeritance).

Gotta run…have to go stoke the bunson burner