Invisible Fence, part deux

I never did finish my story about the electric fence…but I think I am finally able to talk about it again.

When we last left our intrepid pet owner…I had just gotten Molly a wireless invisible fence…which means I am too lazy to bury a wire in the front yard [bad decision]. So INSTEAD, I am trying to establish the boundary line by setting the knob on the transponder and then using the collar to "detect" the line… an exercise that is slightly akin to a 3-hr episode of “Punk’d”.

First of all, let me just describe to you the “red-collar-of-death” that is the linch-pin of this set-up. You could jump start a Buick with the diodes on this thing. And it is roughly a third of Molly’s body weight. Oh yeah - she won't suspect a thing when I strap this contraption on to her.

So let’s just paint the picture…here I am…walking this collar out all over the front yard, waiting for the collar to beep so I could race back in the house, adjust the dial and try it again. First of all, I looked like I was walking my “invisible” dog for three hours. Second, I looked like I was walking my invisible dog for three hours while jumping randomly and screaming “don’t tase me, bro”.

Then when you have the line where you want it, you are supposed to plant these little white flags to mark the “you’re-about-to-get-the-shit-shocked-out-of-you” line (because Molly is soooo good at recognizing boundaries that I am SURE a toy flag will keep her in the yard when oncoming traffic won’t). So now Rita’s otherwise beautifully landscaped yard is littered with what looks like kids’ toy flags that they forgot to put away. (I am going to put GI Joe on either side of one and make my own Iwo Jima memorial).

As part of the process, you are supposed to “orientate your dog to the flags”, so they know where the line is. If I could keep Molly from running off to attack the 92 year neighbor, this “orientation” would go a lot better. Seriously, while I am playing my little game of capture the flag…Molly has run all the way to Starbucks, attacking three schitzu’s and a terrier along the way.

So for those keeping score at home…the electroshock tally is as follows:
Maeve – multiple 2nd degree burns
Molly – “WHAT shock collar?”

Molly is still chasing the neighbors…but I’m afraid to leave the yard.