Background Noise

After working from home for so long, I have come to realize that many of my conference calls are accompanied by various forms of odd background noise. It’s bad enough that....thanks to the mailman's daily visits to the front porch....Every. Single. Person. I work with thinks I own a crazed rottweiler. But Molly's hysterical barking is just the start of the suspicious sounding background noise:

• The clinking of the seltzer bottles sounds a lot like a Martini kit in action [No, Boss, but I like the way you think]
• While walking the dog, the sound of neighbors saying hello sounds a lot like somebody new joining the call
• Unloading the dishwasher sounds just like….. unloading the dishwasher [You are all invited to participate in my household chores with me]
• The sound of ice cubes in my afternoon latte sounds like an early start to happy hour [very early, given the time change]
• Julieta’s vacuuming [which seems to ONLY occur when I am on a conference call] sounds like I am calling from the inside of a jet engine
• A game of fetch with Molly and her favorite squeaking toy sounds like I could give a damn about the conference call in progress.

Thank god you can’t hear someone still in their pajama’s at 3 o’clock in the afternoon…