Cannabis Central

I had no idea when I moved out here that it was the Netherlands of the West. That’s right…you can buy pot out here just about any old place you want. [Buying pot is legal, but gay marriage isn’t?? WTF. Gay commitment is below the munchies in the moral hierarchy? Got it.]

Okay – it’s not that you can buy it ANYWHERE, you have to have a prescription, from a whole new breed of doctor that seems to have popped up overnight [Dr. Beingstoned, I presume]. You also have to be a member of a “Cannabis Cooperative” – whose membership standards seem to be slightly below that of Facebook [aliases encouraged].

Cannabis Cooperatives…I am not making this up. And they advertise EVERYWHERE. If you pick up the local newsweekly, there are PAGES of ads desperately trying to attract your pot-buying dollars. The only rule in play seems to be that you must include the words “alternative” or “holistic” in the name of your cooperative. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Holistic Co-op. And from there it gets completely shameless.

Here are honest-to-god, 100%-true excerpts from a single page of adverts this week [with some additional comments added, of course]:

• Free gifts for new members or referrals [I don’t think we’re talking Happy Meal prizes here]
• Senior, military and union discount [Senior discount?! Now I know what we can do during mom’s visit. Seriously though, military and union?? Just the people MOST likely to operate heavy machinery, great.]
• Free joint Sunday [For when church is just too taxing.]
• Free edible for first time patients [ummmm…edible? Nevermind – I don’t wanna know]
• Complementary [sic] coffee, tea & cocoa [Is it true that pot makes you use the wrong word? Or maybe a good cup of cocoa really does complete your cannabis experience.]
• Walk-ins welcome [walk-outs more welcome, at least to those of us sharing the roads]

And it’s all in the name of healthcare! [And here I thought I was being creative with my FSA money. Legal and tax deductible.]