Members of my family have a terrible history of……. [you are
DYING to see how this sentence ends, aren’t you?]
Members of my family have a terrible history of running into
one another’s vehicles in the driveway of our homes. It really is the McC’s signature vehicular
move – driveway demolition derby. In high school I was able to land the triple-lutz of driveway fender
benders when I reversed my Toyota Tercel down the driveway in just such a way
as to COMPLETELY sideswipe my sister’s Chevy Chevette [removing every inch of
the snazzy wood paneling] before coming to rest alongside my dad’s Datsun 210 [that classy fleet of vehicles was the envy of my senior class, I just know it]. I imagine it was an interesting call to the insurance agent.
My sister Nic finally joined the club on Saturday when she
forgot that I (and my rental car) had come for a visit. Considering my rental car is the size of a
child’s toy, I am surprised she was able to find it in the driveway – but the
bumper of her brand new, yet clearly unlucky, Volkswagon Passat must have a
homing device.
The execution of this easier-than-you-might-think maneuver generally
includes several key factors: Unfamiliar
car in the exit path of your driveway; unacceptable tardiness to some event; a
really good song on the radio that deserves to be turned up; and surprisingly,
not once in half-a-dozen repeats, even a drop of alcohol.
My dad’s method for preventing this oh-so-avoidable travesty
was to park the visiting vehicle immediately behind the homeowner’s car. Like…lock-your-bumper close. So when the driver got in their car to back
up, the proximity of items in your rearview mirror [that may impossibly be
closer than they appear] surprised the shit out of you before you could even
get your foot on the gas pedal.
Well – gotta run so I can buff some scratches out before
returning my rental car.
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