Silly Season

I never thought I would say this, but will this election just be finished already??  That’s right….will the presidential election and the Titans football season just mercifully end??  [I did NOT expect this fall to be so joyless.] 

Maybe it’s because Obama is no longer winning by 9 points over humanoid Mitt Romney.  Maybe it’s because I get more emails with presidential campaign solicitations than I EVER got on Viagra or Nigerian lottery winnings.  Maybe it’s because I don’t even know what we’re arguing about on Benghazi.  

But whatever the reason, I…the person most responsible for sky-rocketing political blog click-throughs…. am ready for This.  Election.  To.  End.  Then at least I can get back to wine bar bookkeeping. 

As we get into the last few weeks of the various congressional campaigns, here is just a sampling of the really critical issues we are debating out there:

• In the Missouri senate race [which really has to perform somersaults of impropriety in order to push “legitimate rape” off the front page] Rep. Todd Akin described Claire McKaskill as a dog.  While Senator McKaskill was with her dying mother.  First…..you are quite the charmer, Mr. Akin.  Second, I pay pretty close attention to politics and Claire McKaskill is NOT the Senator I would liken to a canine.  After all, Senator Joe Lieberman and Droopy Dog were separated at birth. 
  
  
• In the Connecticut Senate race, former World Wrestling Federation CEO [ummmm.....shouldn’t we get to stop right there??] Linda McMahon describes her Medicare position: “Here’s what I’m going to say on this issue today. In terms of reforming and revising Social Security and Medicare, I really will not talk about specifics until we’re in a bipartisan way in Congress.”  First of all, who talks like that?  [Being “in a bipartisan way” sounds a LOT like an unwanted pregnancy - which seems like a subject Republicans should just stay away from].   Second, what is it with the current uber-trend where we voters are told not to worry our pretty little heads about all those really complicated issues going on in our country?? 
  
  
• In the three dozen political blogs I read each day [no wonder somebody’s AP checks to wineries are all late], the authors are struggling to come up with new and exciting ways to reference the states they cover.  After all, there are only so many times you can say “the Senate race in North Dakota”.  So bring on the references to the Roughrider, Peach Garden, and Flickertail State.  [the Flickertail State??  I did not make that up!]  I had to look up which state was the Mountain State....and I. Was. Born. There.  We need to end this thing before I am on a nickname basis with all 50 states. 



• And the most obvious reason we need this election to be over? Real TV networks continue to interview Donald Trump.  Need I say more? 

Honestly – at this point I think the winner would be whichever candidate promised to suspend any and all usage of “and I approved this message”.