2 Ecuadorian Menu

Ecuador.  Or as I originally called it...."fat camp".

However, I might have been a little naive thinking I might lose a few lbs. down here.  How many calories are in a serving of deep fried queso empanada that is roughly the size of your plate (if you had a plate, that is)? And by "serving" I mean three of those suckers. And by queso, I mean cheese....ish.  (Don't worry Rita, I asked for mine without gluten or GMO)

The mujeras de comidor then insisted on bringing around a morning snack featuring an empanada redux along with the fruit salad that accompanies any good church event. Would have been rude to decline. 

I don't want you to think I JUST ate fried breaded cheese all week, as nice as that would have been.  On day three, they found ways to fry new things - yucca, corn, plantain.  And I found new ways to get 1,000 calories at every meal. Apparently queso is the entire bottom floor of the Ecuadorian food pyramid cuz taint nothing that didn't benefit from being mixed with a little queso (before frying).  I think I could have gotten a dollop of queso in my Nescafé had I hung out at the counter for a few minutes longer (and boy did I get the stink eye that one time I got a cup of coffee without an empanada to accompany it.  Did NOT make THAT mistake again!)

Lunch generally meant hot soup (or at least it was piping hot by the time I sat down under the 100 degree sun to eat it)....along with a serving of rice. And that serving WAS the size of the plates that finally made their first appearance of the day. 

Dinner was rice and chicken. Or sometimes chicken and rice. And not that petite serving of rice from lunch - no, sirree, we are talking a legit serving....for a family of four....or one gringo.  (Como se dice...."control de la portion"). And these ladies definitely come from the "use every part of the chicken" school of cooking. I think they may have retired the chicken foot soup after a bad comment card in a prior year.  But otherwise - dinner was chicken bits roulette. Not only does a chicken neck not have very much meat on it, but ITS A CHICKEN NECK. At home, Rita has to debone my chicken breast for me. In Ecuador, I eat chicken necks. And I must confess, that shit was tasty. 

Notice anything missing from that amazing farm-to-plastic-table menu I just outlined?  There is not enough Nescafé in this country to offset the fiber deficiency of this bind-a-thon.  Ecuadorian women aren't overweight, they're bloated. 

Put all that together and the term "fat camp" ended up being more accurate than I could have guessed.