Puppy preparations

As noted in previous posts, Rita has warily agreed that we can adopt a puppy.  We only have a few rules – it has to be less than 25 lbs.  And it can’t have any chihuahua, terrier or jack Russell in it.  So a not insignificant portion of our current Covid quarantine consists of me showing pictures of cute puppies to Rita and her saying – “no, not that one”.  Wait a second….ARE there any dogs less than 25 lbs that don’t have these breeds in them???  I’m not on a puppy search, I’m on a snipe hunt. 

But just because we haven’t found the perfect puppy yet doesn’t mean we can’t shop for her.  I am pretty sure Rita & McC + new puppy is its own form of economic stimulus.  Rita has also been pretty clear about obedience training.  For me, of course.  And believe me, that is a good idea.  Based on my previous experience with the completely perfect Molly dog, my puppy parenting style consists mostly of me saying things like – “Awwww, but she didn’t know what she was doing when she ate that marker on the carpet.” I mean….I think Molly knew what she was doing the SECOND time she ate the marker on the carpet….  But by then the carpet was already toast anyway, right?  [Also – I don’t know where she kept getting all those markers either.]

I am a little afraid that puppy obedience classes will just be a gateway class for McC.  And the next thing you know I will be in cooking classes and then maybe-you-could-do-your-own-laundry classes.  But let’s wait to see if I pass puppy obedience school before we get too worried about more people signing up to teach me things.   

In the meantime, we’ll focus on finding the perfect non-shedding, housebroken, non-herding, low energy pet.  I bet it ends up being a cat. 

Spanglish

After traveling to Ecuador last year, I decided I wanted to make a serious attempt to learn Spanish.  I took three years of Spanish in high school.  In hindsight, however, maybe I should have spent my Southern Indiana public school education on something ol’ Reitz HS was better suited to teach…like how to own a freaking farm.  (My 16-yr-old self did NOT see that coming!)

As I spend time on my nascent Spanish habit, it has definitely occurred to Rita that I could instead be learning something beneficial, like how to cook.  But no – I think I’ll spend middle age learning something that will only come in handy on every third vacation.

I found a Spanish teacher who does 1x1 classes via Zoom so I could take them even when I traveled.  I mean…back when people traveled.  Mostly what I’ve learned since I started, however, is that I am a terrible student.  It is a class of one and I am still not the teacher’s pet.  I come to class unprepared.  I keep making jokes, but none of them are in Spanish (with the added bonus of not being funny in English either).  And try as I might, I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that a “j” is actually pronounced as an “h” (and therefore “jamon” is NOT, in fact, pronounced “jamming”.)

This Spanish curriculum I’m taking is similar to others that focus early lessons on “high frequency” verbs.  Which means we spend an inordinate amount of time talking about “to dance” and “to sing”.  If those are “high-frequency”, curriculum designers are living their best lives. I am p-retty sure "to dance" and "to sing" could be missing from my vocabulary for years and I might not notice.  Furthermore, I doubt those are the go-to topics I would trot out as an ice-breaker in a foreign country.  But if I suddenly find myself in Ecuador discussing the high school talent show, I feel oddly prepared.  My high-frequency verbs keep gravitating to “to work”, “to order” and if I’m feeling especially festive…”to eat”.  

What I HAVE learned over the past year is a whole new appreciation for English grammar.  Man – I am GOOD at tenses in English.  So if you catch me saying, “in the future, I would be satisfied with having been selected as an English student.”, you’ll know I’m just showing off my newly appreciated dexterity for English verb tenses. 

I’m the only person I know who spends a year trying to learn Spanish only to come away more enamored with English.

Puppy Application

As noted on the previous post, we are trying to adopt a new puppy – which is not as easy as you would think during Covid.  I have filled out no less than a dozen applications and have not so much as gotten a puppy interview.  I have GOT to work on my cover letter.  

First, I did not realize there were 413 different animal adoption organizations in Nashville and maybe next pandemic they could all get together and do an application clearinghouse??  It’s getting hard for me to remember which embellishments I put on which applications.  

Filling out all these incredibly extensive puppy applications makes me realize that there must be a whole world of people out there who don’t know what the word “adoption” means.  Forget “no-kill” shelters – these organizations want you to know they are “no give-back” shelters.  And apparently,

you have to tell people that they can’t simply return a puppy at the first sign of trouble.  Or expense. 

Which is fine by us.  I mean…our cat Winston has prevented us from having a good night’s sleep since 2015 and we’ve never thought of returning him.  [But now that I know that is a thing….]

The questions on all these applications make you wonder what the hell the rest of the world is doing with their pets:

Q:  What will you do with the dog if you move? 

Who are these people that think their pet stays with the house?  Like it’s a bathroom mirror or something??  

Q:  Do you know that pet care can cost upwards of $500 per year?

Gonna need you to check your math.  By the time you hire the doggie masseuse and canine acupuncturist you are in for WAY more than $500 a year

Q:  How many hours a day will your dog be left alone. 

I hate to sound clingy….but after listening to me on work-from-home conference calls all day, this dog may be desperate for some alone time 

Q:  Is everyone in your household aware you are adopting?

Absolutely – but ummm, can you not email the co-applicant just yet.  It’s a ummm….a birthday present. 

Q:  If your pet becomes ill, how much will you spend on emergency care?

An embarrassing amount.  Please don’t distribute my email address to vet clinics.  We are a golden ticket.

Q:  What will happen to your dog if you die?

Ummmm – maybe let up on the dog comes first thing just a little?  After all – I’m dead in this scenario, maybe give me a little space??

Based on the lack of puppy callbacks, it appears that those are not the right answers.  I will keep at it.