Puppy Application

As noted on the previous post, we are trying to adopt a new puppy – which is not as easy as you would think during Covid.  I have filled out no less than a dozen applications and have not so much as gotten a puppy interview.  I have GOT to work on my cover letter.  

First, I did not realize there were 413 different animal adoption organizations in Nashville and maybe next pandemic they could all get together and do an application clearinghouse??  It’s getting hard for me to remember which embellishments I put on which applications.  

Filling out all these incredibly extensive puppy applications makes me realize that there must be a whole world of people out there who don’t know what the word “adoption” means.  Forget “no-kill” shelters – these organizations want you to know they are “no give-back” shelters.  And apparently,

you have to tell people that they can’t simply return a puppy at the first sign of trouble.  Or expense. 

Which is fine by us.  I mean…our cat Winston has prevented us from having a good night’s sleep since 2015 and we’ve never thought of returning him.  [But now that I know that is a thing….]

The questions on all these applications make you wonder what the hell the rest of the world is doing with their pets:

Q:  What will you do with the dog if you move? 

Who are these people that think their pet stays with the house?  Like it’s a bathroom mirror or something??  

Q:  Do you know that pet care can cost upwards of $500 per year?

Gonna need you to check your math.  By the time you hire the doggie masseuse and canine acupuncturist you are in for WAY more than $500 a year

Q:  How many hours a day will your dog be left alone. 

I hate to sound clingy….but after listening to me on work-from-home conference calls all day, this dog may be desperate for some alone time 

Q:  Is everyone in your household aware you are adopting?

Absolutely – but ummm, can you not email the co-applicant just yet.  It’s a ummm….a birthday present. 

Q:  If your pet becomes ill, how much will you spend on emergency care?

An embarrassing amount.  Please don’t distribute my email address to vet clinics.  We are a golden ticket.

Q:  What will happen to your dog if you die?

Ummmm – maybe let up on the dog comes first thing just a little?  After all – I’m dead in this scenario, maybe give me a little space??

Based on the lack of puppy callbacks, it appears that those are not the right answers.  I will keep at it.