Basement cleaning

Cleaning out someone’s basement (or garage) sure reveals a lot about a person. So here it is…tales from the crypt of my basement-cleaning expedition:

• It’s hard to believe that futons were EVER in style, isn’t it? (what…they weren’t?!?!?) And this PARTICULAR futon is like a ship in a bottle…no IDEA how we [Lorri Morgan] got it in here, but we have to bust open the stairwell to get the bastard out.
• There were about a dozen boxes of Artrageous CRAP in this basement from 2004. Artrageous a Can-Can. Either I was a REALLY dedicated volunteer or LOUSY at returning things [comment function disabled].
• There were FOURTEEN Tivo boxes in that basement. Apparently, the prior occupant didn’t get ALL of her things out upon “movin’ on up”. I keep looking for the Chinese children making all these gadgets…but thankfully, no dice. But…every.last.box had a cut-out UPC code (the Rebate Fairy has been good to SOMEONE).
• All those work files I thought I would need after that last subpoena appear worthless. [And you guys wonder why I don’t leave this site open for potential clients to google].
• If I successfully negotiate the release of another couple cases of Montelana wine deliveries, can I start calling this “my wine cellar”? What?….wine cellars and futons are mutually exclusive? Got it.
• I own the entire contents of the 1995 Pottery Barn catalogue. Remember that wall of CRAP I used to have?!?!?!? Yard sale Saturday.
• Judging by the basement rejects…I’d say my Christmas shopping is FINISHED (What scholarship grad student doesn’t need a futon!?!?!?)