Rita’s surgery (1 of 7)

Okay, okay – just kidding on the 1 of 7…but elbow surgery is still a pretty ridiculous proposition. First of all, not eating for twelve hours before surgery does NOT put a patient in the proper positive-energy mindset…now does it? In a demonstration of support, I tried to go “NPO” (?) with Rita, but was incredulous that they could ALSO mean coffee. Seriously? Maybe I’ll just eat less with you, Rita …that sounds supportive, doesn’t it? =) [smiley face?]

Secondly, you better really, really like whatever you wear to the surgery clinic because you’re not getting that elbow through another shirtsleeve for days. We’re talking a uniform of sweat pants, flip flops and huge stretchy shirts. Rita looked like she was going to her sentencing. I, on the other hand, looked like I was going on a field trip (hey – I was anticipating a long day in the waiting room!). My little rucksack was jammed full of granola bars, laptop, newspaper, apple and of course, People magazine(s)…because what is a trip to any waiting room without a few People magazines? (I, for one, think little Shiloh is getting the raw end of that United Nations of a family.) Seriously, you would have thought Rita was having total body reconstructive surgery based on how many provisions I packed into that waiting-room wheelie bag

Finally, the clinic’s pre-operative goal seems to be to make the patient look as ridiculous, I mean COMFORTABLE, as possible. You have those white, anti-clotting stockings, an inexplicable hair net (are they expecting the health department inspection today?) and this best-ever inflatable hospital gown. No joke, one of those paperish gowns that you plug what looks like a hair dryer into and it inflates with warm air to keep you toasty. Holy cow…steal a stack of those for the house. Who CARES if you look like the Michelin man....

Tune in tomorrow for things NOT to say during surgery preparation/recovery =)