Where in the world is...

Just call me Waldo.

Since Rita’s arm is still on the mend, I volunteered to accompany her on her business trip Tuesday to Napa so I could get additional Southwest credits carry her bags (much to my disappointment, it really turned out to be a business trip). My boss DID note that I could always fall back on the bellhop thing if the accounting gig doesn’t work out. I’d rather my boss DIDN’T think of me in interchangeable terms of VP or bellhop.

While in the Oakland airport, I discovered a new pre-screening to the screening. Travelers can PICK which security line they enter…"Expert” traveler, “Frequent” traveler and “Casual” traveler. First of all, Expert should really NOT be self-declared, now should it? Secondly, “Casual” traveler is just a euphemism for too-stupid-to-read-the-many-instruction-signs. To illustrate, I am a “casual” chef.

I felt pretty confident that I belonged with my fellow experts…but I DID feel a certain amount of pressure. The LAST time I declared myself an expert was when I did my sister’s taxes and I can only begin to tell you how well that worked out [lien schmien]. Which may explain why I temporarily started acting like a Southwest “C” passenger. I mean…I KNEW I was trying to smuggle in the 12 oz can of Diet Coke, but c’mon – that rule against liquids doesn’t really mean WINE, does it??? You’re not even allowed GOOD wine? And I still don’t know where that cigarette lighter came from. Turns out, not only was I NOT an Expert, but I single-handedly raised the Homeland Security threat level to red. The only thing worse than being in the “casual” traveler line? Being in the “Watch list” traveler line. Strip search anyone?