President Bush's Farewell

President Bush has had more farewell tours than Tina Turner. Honest-to-god - I think he started saying goodbye in 2006. And. I’m. Just. Glad. It’s. Over. (It really is over, isn’t it????) The President who didn’t give a single interview in the last two years (Infomercials at Fox News notwithstanding) – is suddenly sitting down with Charlie Gibson and Brian Williams and even the Crawford High Gazette. In his last week in office, he gave a final press conference AND an address to the nation. What could George W. possibly say that would change anyone’s mind about his tortured tenure? [ummmmm...no pun intended]

--"See I TOLD YOU that Enron thing could have been a heckuva a lot worse. I think recent history has clearly vindicated me on that."

--Whenever you watch W.’s speeches – if you just fill in all his awkward pauses with the words “you idiots” – then his entire presidency makes sense. It works…

“Every morning, I received a briefing on the threats to our Nation [pause]. And I vowed to do everything in my power to keep us safe [pause].”

“There is legitimate debate about many of these decisions. But there can be little debate about the results [pause].”

“I have often spoken to you about good and evil [pause]. This has made some uncomfortable. But good and evil are present in this world, and between the two there can be no compromise, [pause]”

--And in the you-can’t-make-it-up category, George W. specifically told the national press corps that “sometimes you misunderestimated me”. Now.…THAT...that's just plain truthiness. (Oh W., what WILL Stephen Colbert do without you?)

And in the final act of his image makeover, W. even drafted a note for Obama that he left in the Oval Office. Why do I KNOW there was at least one smiley face in that damn thing? =)

Y’know…we could have avoided ALL of this if we would have just given him that baseball commissioner's job in 1998. Seriously, the Pittsburgh Pirates would need a bailout, but my 401k would be intact.