Savory Shrimp & Grits

Rita and I like to host little "dinner parties" where we invite people over to cook for us. It's a great trick - you should try it. Each couple gets assigned a different course to make/bring and you end up with this excellent meal where you only made one course (unfortunately - "ice" is not a course, so my participation is limited). Well....a couple of weeks ago - we hosted just such a get together and one normally reliable couple brought an appetizer course entitled "Savory Shrimp & Grits". Well...apparently...in Texas, savory means HOT, like smoke-coming-out-of-your-ears hot. I don't think it was intentional - but there WAS an awkward moment where I thought one of our guests was trying to kill us with tabasco.

Which (of course) led me to a few observations from the experience:

• When the chef has to serve the dish cloaked in a hazmat suit - bad sign.
• If I EVER actually MAKE a course for a dinner party...I will now have my eyes peeled for an uncomfortable silence following that first bite...which apparently means: "Holy crap - I can't feel my face any more."
• At what point have you eaten enough of a course to be polite? I can barely handle barbecue potato chips - I wasn't about to finish the nuclear shrimp.
• The dessert course assignee smugly announced "I ate the whole thing". Called her the next morning - not mobile.
• The person to my right very casually leaned over to me and whispered..."Savory Shrimp and Grits...more like Save-Yourself Shrimp and Grits". (which of course was followed by me saying "omigod - that is HILARIOUS. Listen to this, you guys... ")
• The pairing for the course turned out not to be zinfandel, but milk.
• Apparently, one partner made the grits while the other half of the tandem contributed the ummmm...savory parts. The sous chef spent the entire course declaring the innocence of her grits. I half expected the grits to turn state's evidence on the shrimp and sauce at any time.
• We looked at the hot sauce bottle later and a) it's called Inferno Hot Sauce b) they won't sell it without a parent or guardian present and c) what did you THINK the skull and crossbones meant??
• I looked at the pictures from the dinner....three courses later and Joe's face is still blotchy, there's a bead of sweat above my lip and the sous chef is in a corner still pushing her grits.