Green Acres

It turns out the move to Nashville was not country enough for Rita.  She is now eager to acquire a little patch of land out in the country where she can spend a few days a month looking at the sky with “no visible evidence of civilization in view”.  Except for the glow from my laptop, presumably.  If we follow the natural extrapolation of getting back-to-basics, I fear sorghum and gingham may be in my future. But for now, she is just focused on finding untouched farmland.

And she may have found her homestead about 45 minutes from Nashville.  (On the way to Oxford?, you ask….)  Here are some key things to know about this possible addition to our real estate holdings:

• It’s pristine alright.  And by pristine, I mean no electricity, no running water (not counting the crick) and no toilet.  [I know the toilet thing is implicit to “no running water” – but given its importance, I thought I would emphasize it.] 
• It is being offered for sale by Dr. Ann, a 68 yr. old nationally renowned goat expert.  She even raises dogs to guard and herd her 400 goats.  So this is multi-species dedication we’re talking about here. Originally, I was going to write an entire post about being a goat expert (the Dr. is her Phd in goats!), but once I met her, I realized this woman knows more about goats than I will ever know about any subject (even Winston Churchill) and that I should probably just shut my joke-making piehole.
• When we arrived to tour the property, she asked me to change out of my hiking shoes and into a pair of galoshes-like boots from her collection.  At first I thought she just didn’t approve of my taste in shoes, but then I realized everyone was asked to use her boots.  Turns out, she didn’t want to risk contaminating the land.  [Perhaps she didn’t notice my hiking boots had seen precious-little hiking and there was little risk of contamination from the inside of an REI.]  However, I knew she had Rita from the word “contaminant” and the odds of us ending up with toilet-free farmland were going through the roof. 
• She is only interested in selling the land to the “right people” who will promise not to develop it.  I felt the need to clarify whether the addition of a toilet constituted development, but Rita shot me a look and I figured we could handle it in the fine print. So one objective of the afternoon was to convince Dr. Ann that we were the “right people”.  Rarely is Rita seen as the more country of us two.  But from the moment I told her I was an accountant until the beginning of Rita and Dr. Ann’s in-depth discussion of the medicinal value of vetiver, it was clear I was Zsa Zsa Gabor in this Green Acres reboot. 

But those were only first impressions – the tour gave us a real feel for the place. But that’s the next post.