Rita's surgery (2 of 2)

Okay…so ONE more tale from the surgery waiting room (where I was just happy that there were no “World of Disney” scrubs)

One young guy brought in his wife with their two-year-old daughter and asked “is this the pickup/drop-off location?”. Well….you would have thought this poor schmuck had just wandered onto the set of “Steel Magnolias” with the way these old nurse-hens gave him a hard time. “Did you hear that M’Lynn, ‘pickup/drop-off location’ – what do you think this is, Best Buy? What is she – your large screen TV??” Then another catcall from Nurse Claree - “Pickup/drop-off location!?!? Were you hoping for a drive through?” ha, ha, ha. After about 3 minutes, they realized HE was the patient, not her. Ummm…har dee har HAR? Meanwhile, SHE has had enough of Truvy’s beauty parlor and is ready to GO…”when do I have to be back? THAT early? I mean shouldn’t I wait until he comes out of anesthesia or something?” Feel the love. Of course, she was probably thinking the same thing I was…I have a Power of Attorney and a debit card…which way to the mall?

But you have to love those out-patient surgery centers. They are all about getting the patients in and out. Slash and cash. By 2 p.m. the day of the surgery – those nurses were ready.to.go. Last call for albuterol. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. So here is poor Rita…slowly waking up and stoned outta her head, groggily watching me do my Marx brother impression as I get tangled up in an IV pole and nearly trip over the $300,000 EKG machine. I am SURE she was thinking “Hey – what’s the rush???” The whole time the guy next to us keeps asking repeatedly for a margarita in his IV drip – apparently not realizing that percocet actually makes you LESS funny…