1 Ecuador packing

If you are ever planning to take a mission trip, I highly recommend you have Rita P. pack for you. First, Rita has an ardent...maybe even worrisome...affection for REI that must constantly be fed.....I mean....lends itself nicely to mission preparations.  Second, all evidence to the contrary, Rita harbors an unspoken hope she can somehow, eventually turn me into the sporty, handy, subaru-lovin camper that my lesbian DNA seemingly promises. 

Throw in the fact that Rita wishes she was on this trip (and is therefore taking it vicariously through me) and my suitcase is a well-stocked pantry of preparedness.

Honestly, the fine folks of San Eduardo would have benefited more if Rita had sent the shopping fund instead of this relatively useless accountant. But alas, here we are with the well outfitted, useless accountant. 

And I don't want to say Rita took the packing list more seriously than the other folks on the trip, but they have started calling me Inspector Gadget. The good news for me: Mission trips seem to operate like a prison economy - And the deet-to-cerveza exchange rate is strong.

I did feel a little self-conscious when I pulled out the perfect white Bordeaux to pair with the chicken and rice.  But it's not like I had the right glassware or anything, so it's hard to call me spoiled.

Shitty Kitty

I thought cats were supposed to be the low-maintenance pets?  Dogs are needy and demanding, but cats are just supposed to stay aloof and impervious.  Well, someone forgot to tell our little orange cat, Winston.   Actually, during daylight hours he is aloof and impervious.  At 3:30 a.m. he is Mr. Needypants.  Here is a recent video of his night-time activities:

You can try to ignore him, but then your sleep pattern looks like this:

It turns out…he only does his 3 am wakeup routine when I’m home.  So he’s not opposed to ALL sleep – just my sleep.  Or more accurately, he’s just opposed to me being home and infringing on his one-on-one time with his mommy.  I don’t remember requesting a nocturnal cat with an oedipal complex during the adoption process, but here we are.

Rita and I now have an on-going contest to see who can pretend to remain asleep longer than the other. On more than one occasion, we have each caught the other squinting out of a half-open eye checking to see if the other is awake.  For Winston’s sake – he better hope it’s me who gets up.  Because the first step in Rita’s wakeup routine is to loft a pillow at his head.  Now keep in mind, the cat is 6 lbs. and the pillow is 2 lbs., so Rita is bringing some serious heat (if she were able to aim at 4 o’clock in the morning, that is).  

But of course the little orange guy has anger issues.  Here he is, this perfect 6-lb killing machine and we just keep picking him up and kissing him all day long.

Our long national nightmare....

This election.  Or more accurately - the places Donald Trump has taken this election.

But last night was the LAST debate and once again....I read the twitters so you don't have to.  Here are some of the best comments I curated for you:

• Single nasty woman seeks single bad hombre for sipping wine, long walks on the beach and good conversation
•  Friendly reminder that Paris Hilton grew her inherited wealth at 5 times the rate and 3 times faster than Donald Trump
•  Hillary Clinton Invited The ‘Access Hollywood’ Bus To Sit In The Front Row Of The Debate
•  Hillary grabs Trump by his (small) hands, hits him with them and says, "Stop hitting yourself, Donald, stop hitting yourself..."
•  I can't believe inviting Obama's half brother didn't win the debate for Trump
•  Trump is treating the GOP like a spring break rental car.
•  Trump's foreign policy answers sound like a book report from a teenager who hasn't read the book. "Oh, the grapes! They had so much wrath!"
•  The @HillaryClinton team has already purchased http://nastywomengetshitdone.com  and it redirects to the campaign site.
•  It's Hillary. President Clinton if you're nasty.
•  Trump is the first candidate whose rapid-response operatives are focused mostly on refuting things their own candidate said
•  I tried to type "bigly" and my iPad autocorrected to "bigot."
•  The Republican candidate for President had a temper tantrum on national television tonight. America, don't elect someone who needs nap time.
•  Strange of Trump to invite the Benghazi mom to the debate so she could watch him make Hillary Clinton president.
•  Seriously, based on this trajectory, if we had a dozen debates he'd be showing up to the tenth in a military uniform and aviator glasses
•  THIS is the year that the election is held at the last possible day of the year?  
•  Come for the election. Stay for the coup.
•  Trump's debate guest list is best understood if you read it to the tune of "We Didn't Start The Fire."

18 days people.  We can do this.  

Driving Ms. Mavey

Part of the deal on the new job is that Rita comes to Oxford with me 1 week a month (assuming going down Wednesday and leaving Friday constitutes a week, of course).  “Rita in Mississippi” would be the best reality show ever, but there is likely to be so much bleeping as to make it unwatchable. 

First, let me say in 10 years together, I don’t know that we’ve ever driven a backroads together.  (There is probably some cause-and-effect in the preceding sentence and I don’t believe the next 10 years will benefit from a reversal of this policy.)  While I offered to drive, Rita hasn’t seen the passenger seat of my car since El Diavolo forced that condition upon her.  El Diavolo caused a lot of disruptions, but none more scarring than being my passenger for six months.  What I discovered on the 2 hr. drive from Jackson TN to Oxford is that Rita is a “Drifter”- a little loose with the lane assignments – oncoming traffic be damned.  So really...Rita’s approach to traffic is not that dissimilar from her approach to most exchanges – not quite over the line, but often veering close enough as to make me a titch uncomfortable.  

And what’s more, as Rita “drifts” toward that left hand lane of oncoming traffic, I get in trouble for taking a big breath and startling her.  So now you now when my time comes, I’ll be the one who goes silently because I’ve been trained to look death in the eye and not make a sound.