5 Uno

By the middle of Day 2, I seriously needed a break from the intensity that was Arts and Crafts. Someone was headed into town and I asked to tag along.

A few salient facts missing from the brochure for this particular errand:

First, we ride in the back of an open fruit truck.  Ecuadorians stand up in the back and lean against the iron bar surrounding the bed of the truck when they ride in the truck.  Ecuadorians also have a much lower center of gravity that isn't susceptible to the first deep pothole. Furthermore, Ecuadorians have bit more resistance to a colossal sunburn. My fellow passengers must have thought I was massively carsick lying flat on the bed of the truck when I was just trying to stay on the right side of the wheel wells and in the shadow of my fellow passengers.

Second, the "store run" ended up including an errand to deliver some medicine to a patient who had come in the day before. Only problem, we didn't know where she lived. I mean, it's not like you can just google map your way to the "1st street past the house with four windows on the side."  So our strategy seemed to be to offer rides to enough people that someone would eventually know her. And by "offer rides", I mean - don't push anyone off the flatbed when they jump on it, uninvited. There was no discussion, no introductions, just two new women or three new men on the back of the truck whenever you seemed to be headed the same direction as they needed.  At one point, the flat bed census includes 7 folks from the village, my fellow missionary (who spoke fluent Spanish and therefore looked like he might belong there) and an increasingly sunburned tall Irish girl trying to remember the last time she rode somewhere without her seat belt on.  Eventually, a 65 yr old wrinkled little woman told us where the patient lived and stayed on the truck to direct us there - with a few passenger departures and arrivals along the way.  Having completed our mission, we gave our direction-giver a ride home and offered to buy her a drink.  Coca-cola Senora?  "Cerveza!" She replied. And here I was afraid I wasn't fitting in. 

The last fact someone forgot to mention was that the driver on our errands only had one leg.  (I couldn't help wondering if he lost his leg in a car accident?). My fellow missionary later said "we call him Uno".  Wait - does HE know we call him Uno?????     And while I've been known to embellish before, I have hand on the Bible when I tell you.....the truck is a stick shift. Go ahead, you do the math on that one.  I think one of his crutches was somehow involved, but decided the less I knew about this operation, the better.  I eventually started getting comfortable with his driving, but then I saw him send a text in between gear shifts and decided it was time to just cover my eyes and work on the prayer for the evening's reflection. 

I never left Arts and Crafts again. 

4 Vacation Bible Bootcamp Day 2

Turns out day 1 of Arts and Crafts ("A&C") was just amateur hour for Day 2 when the kids got their picture taken, bedazzled the shit out of a picture frame and then got their printed picture put in it at the end. That's right, Rita has me packed for the apocalypse and here St. A's is operating a photo booth that any over-the-top wedding reception would be proud to include.

I was an official glue gun operator in these highly organized proceedings (those damn frames don't bedazzle themselves, by god.) My assignment is ironic because I thought we were here to resolve injuries, not cause them.  Apparently word has yet to travel to Ecuador that not every lesbian knows how to use power tools....

And we can call it arts and crafts, but to these kids it is Life. And. Death.  They have a PLAN and it often involves me being WAY too slow on the glue gun. Honestly, I spent 20 whole minutes being a 7-year-old's BITCH while she pointed and I glued. Don't let that little smile fool you, toughest boss I've ever had>

And the bedazzling is nothing compared to the picture posing. There seems to be some confusion about whether we are a church group or Latina Vogue. More than one sassy-pants threw a look over her dipped shoulder that took us quite a few minutes to adequately crop out of the final picture.

The only mishap seemed to occur when the morning snack delivery came around. I told you those empanadas were good. And a certain glue gun operator MAY have left her post so as not to miss the first or second pass of the empanadas. And a six-year-old MAY have glued his shoes together while my glue gun was otherwise unattended. 

And THAT is how I keep getting busted to latrine duty. 

3 Vacation Bilble Bootcamp Day 1

My main assignment in Ecuador was to help in Arts and Crafts, (so obviously my resume got to the right people). Since 500 people show up on the first day, there is a wait to see the doctors. The St A's team brilliantly organizes arts and crafts for the kids while they wait. 

And we ain't talking crayons and and a pair of scissors here.  No sirree.....2 days, 300 kids, and extravagant crafts that your average useless accountant can't do.  Imagine the entire contents of Hobby Lobby shipped to Ecuador and deployed with military precision:  Vacation Bible Bootcamp

The first session was making beaded bracelets. Judging by their excitement, you would have thought these kids were getting a Tiffany bracelet at the end of this session.  I was worried threading the wire through those tiny beads might be too tough for the little kids, but apparently it's a lot easier when you don't have to look through bifocals to do it. 

My assignment was to greet each kid and then start their bracelet for them. When they finished, I would then put on the crimper bead to secure the fastener. I started out asking their names, but I’m pretty sure the first little girl's name was Ayiyaiaiiia and so was the second girl's, so I quickly dispensed with the pleasantries. (It's not like my name was any easier for them....so whatever)

It took me a little while to get the hang of the crimping bead used to secure the fastener, especially when you are trying to push 200 kids through this process and Ayiyaiaiiia Is. Ready. For. Her. Bracelet. Dammit.   In fact, if you got your bracelet in the 8 o'clock hour, you were pretty much screwed. The plaza outside the school was probably strewn with the beads (and dreams) of the children from the first hour who were assigned to "Señora Alta".  (Actually, I scoped out the other gringos and I wasn't the only one having trouble applying all that higher education to the task at hand.)

I did note that there appears to be no universal symbol for "put out your wrist" (so I could try on the bracelet).  I spent many a precious minute trying to chase some kid's hand around the back of his body. (The personal connections I was making with these kids are truly the stuff of missionary lore). I'm not sure what he was afraid of....maybe that the tapping of the wrist is also the universal sign for handcuffs?

There were so many kids that every once in a while a niño would get on a roll before I could stop him and he would get halfway to a belt instead of a bracelet. Given the traffic we were trying to push through A&C, I had little choice but to wrap the beaded masterpiece around his wrist a few times, tell him he would grow into it, and send him on his way with a "que bueno!! adios!" 

As I sat there huddled next to a dozen 6 yr olds all tugging on my recently acquired REI camp shirt, I couldn’t help thinking there's something precious about close proximity to a child emerging from acute medical care.  It makes this assignment especially inspiring (and contagious, methinks).  And I know we're not supposed to drink the water, but what's the position on putting the bracelet liniment that's been sitting on the table with the six year olds in your mouth to get a fine point to thread through a bead?  But I will say this....I could debit and credit my way to eternity and ain't nobody gonna be as excited with my work product as that six year old boy was to get his properly finished bracelet.