Another Day at the Office

I’m sitting up here in the Soprano’s corporate offices and this place is nice. The space must be pretty new because all of the main offices and the conference rooms have mahogany and muted colors and glass walls. My co-worker & I are sitting in our glass fishbowl-of-a-conference-room like the main exhibit at the Lawng Eyelund aquarium.

So Friday afternoon…I’m coming back from the fax machine and the door to the conference room was open. Glass walls, open door…you could see how someone could have mistaken the open door for the glass wall and walked.right.into the plate-glass wall. That’s right…undershot the door by a very critical 3 feet and walked directly into the freakin’ plate-glass conference room wall. And not just walked into it – I must have been traveling with some kind of spectacular velocity because I bounced off that thing like i was being repelled by an invisible force. I looked like a sparrow hurtling itself at an enemy aviator only to be horribly, horribly surprised to discover its own reflection. And the collision (“collision”, mind you) was the loudest #%$&^ sound I’ve ever heard in an office – every.single.person still there at 4:45 on a Friday came rushing out of their cube or office to see what was going on. All I could do was stand there like Wile E. Coyote waiting for the entire wall to shatter. “Help me”

Now listen, I am NOT the most intimidating creature on a good day – but careening into a glass wall like Inspector Clouseau is NOT helping with my presentation. Between the sound of the impact and the crimson color of my face, the owner – otherwise known as my client – was prepared to rush me to the hospital. Nice.

Today there is a big masking-tape “X” on the conference room wall where my face-print used to be. Um…"thank you"?