Earth Day

I took the Cali girl to Earth Day in Nashville. It was pretty cool once we got past that 30-minute “discussion” with the Jackson County farmer on whether tobacco was really “of the earth”. You say crop…I say crap. “But…umm…RITA...let’s just keeping moving past that part of the electorate that CLINGS to their guns.”

As far as holidays go…how GOOD can a holiday be when its sole purpose is to discourage consumption? At least throw me a green beer or something. And honest-to-god, how bad must a holiday be for its mascot to be “Cartridge Man”…the refillable ink cartridge??? Seriously. How many high school classes do you have to fail before you don a Cartridge Man costume and walk around Centennial Park? Cartridge Man…he looked like a poor man’s Spongebob Squarepants…[did I just say “poor man’s Spongebob Squarepants”? Does that make Spongebob Squarepants the couture mascot???? Oy.].

And I would just personally like to know…why EARTH DAY always ends up having the crappiest weather of ANY of the fourth-tier holidays. I mean…you don’t see the National Weather Service issuing severe weather alerts on Secretary’s Day. It ALWAYS ends up being rainy and windy and blustery on Earth Day. Note to self…celebrate Mother Nature by girding for battle with her.

In Nashville, it wasn’t tooooo bad, but it was DEFINITELY windy. At one point, Rita and I were settled into the 100% recyclable picnic area to enjoy our chicken-on-a-stick [why does this relationship sometimes feel like a cultural exchange program?] and all hell broke loose. We were busy trying to keep Molly McDog from attacking cute, innocent children when all.of.a.sudden a huge gust of wind lifted the Ben & Jerry’s tent 3 feet OFF its “foundation” and blew it STRAIGHT into the Farm Fresh Grocer’s booth. It was terrible. I am sorry to report that the Farm Fresh girls took it right to the head. Pandemonium ensued. Cartridge Man…in his frenzied attempt to escape the crashing tent…sent a toddler flying. Oh, the HUMANITY!!!

Not to worry, though, Rita…Nashville’s Fossil Fuel Consumer Festival is soooooooo much funner than THIS holiday.